


(Blood) Lust

by favefangirl



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Baz is a vampire, Blood, Break Up, Canon Divergence, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Metaphors, Nightmares, Simon doesnt have a tail, Smut, SnowBaz, angst with sort of a happy ending, baz is weak for Simon, minimal smut, temporary break ups, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 06:59:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11800842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/favefangirl/pseuds/favefangirl
Summary: Baz is so sure he won't hurt Simon, but there's no escaping that he's a Vampire and Simon is human - there's surely only one way their story can end?





	(Blood) Lust

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt :  
>  **Baz hurting Simon and not wanting to hurt him again so he leaves and hurts Simon more that way.  
>  They're making out and Baz tastes blood and freaks out.  
> He goes away for a week then returns when he can't stand to be away any longer.**

_They collapse through the door together, not parting for even a moment. Simon is pressed so close, he's so pleasantly warm, his chapped lips insistent on Baz's own. Simon has one of his hands on Baz's neck, holding his head still as they stumble backwards towards their bed, the other sliding under Baz's button down shirt. Baz cannot supress a gasp as one of Simon's fingertips brush over a sensitive nipple, making Simon grin into the kiss._

_Baz pushes Simon back, laughing softly at the shocked expression on Simon's face as he falls onto the soft bed behind him. Simon laughs too, shuffling forwards to the edge of the bed and pulling Baz onto his lap. Baz inhales sharply as his and Simon's erections brush together creating delicious friction, while Simon's eyes flutter closed a moment and huffs out a wanton moan. When he opens them again, his eyes are almost entirely pupil._

_"Shit," Simon breathes looking into Baz's eyes and Baz presses their lips back together._

_With shaky hands Baz slides his hand under Simon's thin t-shirt, and begins pulling it up Simon's torso, over taught muscles and golden skin. Baz breaks their kiss only to tug the t-shirt over Simon's head but then Simon's right there again, nibbling Baz's bottom lip, drawing him back into a passionate kiss. His hands move to work on the buttons of Baz's shirt, deft fingers unbuttoning one at a time then sliding it off Baz's broad shoulders._

_"You're so beautiful," Simon mumbles trailing hot, wet, open mouthed kisses down the pale column of Baz's throat. Baz whines as Simon follows along jutting collar bones, being carefully guided by Baz's hand in his soft, golden curls._

_Impatient, Baz gently guides Simon's mouth back to his, determined not to have their lips parted a second longer than necessary. Simon grins into the kiss and lets his hands drop from Baz's shoulders to the waistband of Baz's jeans. He pops the button and tugs down the zipper. Baz can't help but gasp as one of Simon's hands disappears inside to massage his erection. Baz's head falls forwards pressing into the crook of Simon's neck as Simon gently pulls Baz's dick out of his boxers and begins slow, languid strokes which make Baz's hips to press up into Simon's hand._

_Simon feels so good and warm and alive. He smells delicious, tempting, making Baz's mouth water. The rapid thump of his pulse echoes in Baz's ears making his fangs drop with no instruction from Baz himself. He inhales sharply as his mind is screaming at him to pull away, but his instincts are telling him not to and Simon is so warm and delicious and alive - always so_ fucking _tempting._

_Simon's screams echo around the room as Baz buries his fangs in the fragile skin over the pulse point in Simon's throat. He thrashes against Baz who is still in his lap, blunt nails scraping at Baz's bare chest, desperately trying to get away, but it's no use. Baz is strong, forcing Simon's neck against his waiting mouth with a hard grip. In a final long, slow, breath, the life leaves Simon and he falls pliant against Baz's arms. Finally, inevitably, the chosen one is dead._

Baz wakes with a gasp, sucking in air as rapidly as he can. He feels light headed and cold sweat sticks to his naked body. Simon looks so vulnerable next to him, golden curls on golden skin, long lashes on rosy cheeks. He's curled up on his side, one hand on Baz's stomach - their only point of contact. Baz can _see_ the pulse in Simon's neck. It would be so easy to just lean down and _bite_.

Feeling sick at the thought of hurting Simon, Baz swings his legs out of bed and places his head in his hands, sharp elbows digging into his thighs. He lets out a shaky breath and squeezes his eyes shut to try and stop the tears from falling. This is what he's always been scared of. He's so sure he won't hurt Simon, but he can't change the truth about what he is and about what that means.

"Hmmm, Baz?" Simon mumbles, stirring beside him. "What's wrong?"

Baz looks over his shoulder at him as he unfurls himself, joints cracking as he stretches out his legs and props his head up on his hand. Baz feels the urge to cry again just at how beautiful Simon is, how soft and kind and _beautiful_. Baz can't help himself, he crawls back under the covers moving towards Simon even though part of him is saying he should be moving away.

"Nothing," Baz whispers. "Nightmare. No big deal."

Simon reaches out with his other hand and tucks a stray strand of Baz's dark hair behind his ear. "What happened?" Baz shakes his head, the pillow rustling underneath him. "Come on Baz," Simon presses, a little bit teasing but mostly serious. "What's your worst nightmare?"

"You." Baz says before he can stop himself. "You getting hurt... you dying..."

It's Simon's turn to shake his head and he leans down to press a soft kiss against the edge of Baz's mouth. "Not gonna happen," he says then moves his lips to the other side of Baz's mouth and places another kiss there. "You're stuck with me," he adds before pressing a kiss firmly onto Baz's lips.

Baz sighs a little at the familiar touch of Simon's lips on his. In his nightmare Simon had been persistent and pushy, but Simon is a generous lover, a gentle lover. His kisses are light, barely-there, it's infuriating sometimes. But they're full of love, even Baz can tell that. Soft and gentle as though Baz might break if he's too rough, Simon is always so damn considerate. That's also infuriating sometimes, too.

Simon shifts so that he's laid mostly on top of Baz, one hand cupping the side of Baz's face, the other holding himself up slightly to ease some of his weight off of Baz. Simon is awfully light, Baz could easily take his full weight on top of him. He'd probably like it, actually, but Simon is always scared of hurting Baz. He's always finding a way to be soft with him. Simon being soft is strange, but Baz really likes it.

He wraps one arm around Simon's waist, the other pressed where Simon's heart is. Like the nightmare, Simon is warm, like a walking furnace. He still smells delicious, too, and the thought makes Baz's blood run icy cold in his veins. Simon, not noticing any difference in Baz, moves again so that one of his knees is either side of Baz's thighs, and he's towering over him.

Baz is falling apart at Simon's soft touches and the feel of Simon's bare skin against his own, every time they touch it's just like the first time and it gets Baz just a little bit high. But he can hear Simon's pulse again, a constant echoing inside his mind. A constant warning of what could happen, of what Baz is more than capable of. He keeps telling himself he'd never hurt Simon, but the ache in his gums is there like it always is when his fangs are about to drop.

He gasps and pushes Simon away from him just as they do, and one of them just catches Simon's bottom lip. A drop of blood reaches Baz's mouth, and he freezes completely. He's looking up at Simon with wide eyes while Simon holds his thumb against his bleeding lip. The duvet which had been covering them both is around Simon's waist leaving him completely bare. Completely vulnerable. So much pale skin - so many places Baz could just lean up and _bite_.

"Leave," Baz hisses, balling his fists and feeling his fingernails dig into his palms.

"What?" Simon breathes, looking down at him concerned.

"The room," Baz growls, breathing heavily. "Leave the room, Simon."

Simon's eyebrows bunch together in concern, but there must be something in Baz's tone or in his expression because Simon actually listens. He swings his leg over Baz's body, grabs Baz's boxers and his own shirt off the floor, and walks out of the bedroom into the living room. Baz didn't realise how much he could smell Simon's blood until the door closes behind him, weakening the scent. If Simon smells like something he wanted to eat, his blood smells like something he would want to devour like a starving man with his first meal in weeks.

Baz tries to level his breathing, but the taste of Simon's blood is still on his tongue. It was one drop but Baz can't seem to think straight. He's never tasted human blood before no matter how much he's wanted to, and Simon's is sweet and enticing. Most books on vampires talk about blood lust, about how one taste is all it can take to turn even the most stubborn vampires into monsters. _I will not hurt Simon. I will not hurt Simon_.

Baz slowly unclenches his fists, eyes closed although the tears stream down his cheeks anyway, breathing beginning to grow steadier. He swore he would never drink a human's blood, swore he would never hurt Simon, swore he would look after and love Simon until the day his heart stopped beating. He hadn't known just how much they had been living on borrowed time. Honestly, how could it have ended any differently! Baz is a vampire, and there's no way of getting around it.

"Baz," Simon says from the next room. "Baz, hey, shush, it's okay. I'm alright. I've been through worse."

Baz shakes his head, thinks he's finally calmed down, and sits up. He grabs a pair of boxers out of the drawer in his bedside table, climbs out of bed on shaky legs, and pulls them on. He runs a hand through his hair, breathing somewhat laboriously, then wipes the tears away from his eyes. He walks to the door and carefully pulls it open. Simon is loitering just outside, eyebrows furrowed and eyes soft - worried about Baz, selflessly so.

"Simon, I hurt you." Baz states trying to sound calm and failing.

Simon quickly shakes his head. "No, hey, no. I'm fine. It was just a little blood."

Baz almost laughs. "There's no such thing as just a little blood, Simon. Not for me. I'm a vampire."

"Yeah, who doesn't feed on humans!" Simon argues. He reaches out to touch Baz, but Baz flinches away.

"I'm a monster." Baz says. "Whether you want to believe it or not."

"I love you," Simon tries, and it's clear from the desperation in his eyes that he wants that to be enough.

"That makes it worse," Baz replies. "You love me and I hurt you. It's a toxic combination."

"Baz-"

"Simon, stop. Please." Baz breathes out a shuddering sigh. "I think-" he chokes on his own words. "I think we should break up." Baz continues before Simon even has a chance to open his mouth. "I think we should break up because if something like this were to happen again, and if I were to hurt you again, it would destroy me. I couldn't ever come back from that."

Simon is crying now, too, harsh sobs as the tears roll fat down his cheeks. He is so beautiful, he doesn't even look ugly crying, not even with his face crumpled in despair. "Baz please!" he begs.

"If you love me," Baz says, trying to keep his tone even, fighting off his own tears, "You'll let me go. If you love me, you'll let me leave because you would never want me to destroy myself." Simon nods, meekly. "I'm so sorry."

\--X--

Seven days. A week. That's how long it takes for Baz to start wanting to claw at his own skin. His life is empty without Simon, his bed is cold and his heart is numb. He feels useless, lonely, like he's not just missing a lover but maybe half of his heart, too. He stares at his ceiling of his expensive hotel room on the sixth night and wonders if Simon is doing the same. He wonders if maybe Simon can't sleep without him beside him either, just like Baz can't.

He stares at his ceiling, then turns his head to look at where is phone is laying on the pillow beside him. _I will not hurt Simon. I will not hurt Simon. I will not hurt Simon._ But he already has. Simon didn't stop crying once whilst Baz was packing his things, just sat in the middle of their bed which was far too big for one person, unashamedly clutching at one of Baz's old sweaters, holding it up to his nose, making it damp with tears and snot. Baz let him keep it, didn't have the heart to ask for it back. It looks better on Simon, anyway.

The phone is still on his pillow, taunting him, daring him. It's only been a week and already Baz is going crazy. Being a vampire gave him heightened senses he didn't even know he had until he was left in a foreign room completely alone. It smells wrong, not like the familiar mixture of him and Simon back in their apartment, and it's too cold. Baz hasn't had any blood since he'd hurt Simon, too afraid of the feelings seeing the thick, red substance would bring, and he's paying for it. Light-headed, nauseas, uncomfortable. His left leg is a little numb.

Tyrannus Basilton Grimm Pitch is a weak, weak man. He reaches for his phone, types in his password (Simon's birthday) almost on autopilot, and clicks on the contacts app. He stares for a second, considering what he is actually doing and weighing up the pros and cons in his head, wondering what the possible outcomes could be if he goes through with it. He clicks on Simon's contact and an off-centre selfie of he and Simon appears on the screen, one taken while they were both still in bed on a lazy Sunday morning. Simon looks so _beautiful_. Baz is so _weak_. He clicks call.

It rings twice before Simon answers. "Baz?" He asks quickly, a sense of desperation in his tone.

Baz had a long list of things he was going to say, all the apologies he was going to make, the explanations he was going to give which he knew Simon deserved. But hearing Simon's voice for the first time in a week, he cannot help but forget everything he had planned to say. Simon sounds as exhausted as he feels, his breathing is too fast for Baz's liking, he seems so unlike himself even on the phone. Even after just one word.

Baz replies, "I love you, I'm sorry, I can't live without you."

"Come _home_ ," Simon begs, Baz is already climbing out of the uncomfortable hotel bed when Simon adds, "I love you, too."

\--X--

_I will not hurt Simon_ , Baz tells himself as he presses a kiss to Simon's throat. _I will not leave Simon_ , he thinks as he continues to kiss down Simon's chest. _I will not hurt Simon_ , he says to himself as he licks the strip of pale skin between the waistband of Simon's boxers and his belly button. _I will not leave Simon_ , as those boxers are pulled down and Simon's erection springs free. _I will not hurt Simon_ , he promises himself, not sure if he believes it, but sure he will do everything he possibly can to make it true.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not the best fanfic I've ever written, I don't think this is even the best fanfiction for this pairing I have ever written, but it is the first narrative for this paring with a sense of plot, not just a drabble type thingy, so I am learning.
> 
> How you interpret the ending is up to you.
> 
> I've said this on probably every fic I've ever written - I AM NOT A SMUT WRITER. I'm a virgin, too. So if the smut in this is crappy, it's because I don't know how to properly write it, but I'm trying. Tips are much appreciated!
> 
> If you want to message me my Instagram is Favefangirl and my Tumblr is [nebulous--bounds](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/nebulous--bounds) I'm more than happy to answer any questions, maybe fill any prompts or just generally converse with you lovely people. Be sure to follow me, too, if you want! I'm mostly multi-fan and I blog a lot about writing (especially on Tumblr). You can also follow me on Pinterest [here](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/Favefangirl/)
> 
> You could leave a comment and kudos if you're feeling lovely? I accept concrit! 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, have a wonderful existence!


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